


Did it to myself

by Deufos42



Series: A roller coaster of bad decisions [1]
Category: ITZY (Band), Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: And here we go again peeps, Bad Boy Bang Chan, Bang Chan is a Sweetheart, Eventual Smut, F/M, Hwang Hyunjin Lee Chaeyeon and Lee Chaeryeong are just mentioned, I don't know what you consider a happy ending, I kinda like this tag tbh, It's my first time writing smut after almost ten years, M/M, Party, Quickening Sex, Recreational Drug Use, Unresolved Emotional Tension, We drag woochan in fanfics until there's nothing left, addict kim woojin, chemistry student! Bang Chan, idk why, medical student!Kim Woojin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:07:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23585095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deufos42/pseuds/Deufos42
Summary: Six months isn't enough to change seven years.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Kim Woojin
Series: A roller coaster of bad decisions [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1697767
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	Did it to myself

**Author's Note:**

> Hello to you in quarantine, how are you? I'm fine. Most of the time.
> 
> I had this fanfic already made some time ago and it took me a while to translate it, I'm still correcting it so I'm changing whatever is necessary to change, but I believe that you can read it for now anyway.  
> This fanfic is what I had planned for the continuation of "Tryna fix your inner issues with a bad bitch", but I deleted it because I had a very strong reaction of love and hate with that fic. This is a little better and will be a series. Maybe two fanfics or more, I don't know, I didn't plan that far.
> 
> Well, enjoy. It's my first semi-smut in years, so I may have unlearned it a little bit. I'm trying.

_"I fell in love with a half of you"_

\- ✰ -

**W** oojin lowered his head, placing it between the space of his elbows propped on the knees, venting the smoke through his nostrils downwards, with no specific point. The cigarette moved between his fingers, surely away from his hair, from minute to minute throwing the ashes against the floor of the impeccably clean parking lot. It wasn't an exemplary conduct, but he wasn't very willing to spend the day measuring his ethics and morals. He would deal with the coordination scolding later, if they could see through the cameras what he was doing behind the open door of his white Renault Kwid.

It was his third cigarette and possibly his second bottle of water, fourth aspirin. His head ached and he couldn't exactly maintain his exemplary posture for a whole day in that deplorable state - that's why he had decided to wait, for whatever was coming. He stamped his feet and straightened his spine, thanking that on a day like this when the movement was explicitly less. At the end of the year, disinterest was something very evident in that generation. Woojin wouldn't be an exemplary professional either, although he was still able to maintain perfect grades and attendance ... Well, he didn't always have the luxury of skipping classes on campus without an academic reason for doing so. He considered that it could be much worse than it appeared.

Woojin threw his body back, taking care to keep his hands away from unfortunate incidents as he lay on the seat feeling every little fiber complain about his “night”. It had been an entire weekend, in fact. No worries about the latest assessments or anything like that - he even had a thing or two to deal with in the shadow of a hangover that seemed endless, but now his face-to-face demand was just that, demand. He regretted every second that he started with that fame as a star student, without being able to be off for a single second - either by letting the notes go out of average or by closing his eyes to sleep, both were in fact quite dependent on each other.

He left the cigarette on his lips, but this time without swallowing or keeping his fingers close to his lips for safety. In fact, he held the end of the drug between his teeth, feeling the bitter taste on his tongue and the smoke accumulating on the roof of the car before it dissipated through the open doors. Woojin could hear someone else coming, but he didn't want to check it out, it wasn't as if he expected them to stop by his side with so many unfilled spaces in the parking lot. He moved his feet, dragging the toes of his sneakers through the pile of drizzled snow near the rear wheel. First, he heard the sound of heavy boots, the door of a truck being closed with a little more force than necessary.

"If you tear the door off, I'll kick you from here to the main building"

Woojin drew his eyebrows together, turning his head before finally sitting down. Minho walked around the car, seeming to be feeling colder than he actually was - he had no idea what the thermometers marked, but he himself could very well cross the campus with only a denim jacket - while on the other side he could only see broad shoulders and the characteristic dry hair of Christopher, whose the knots were being undone with the tips of his fingers. For some reason Woojin knew that he didn't like to comb his hair any other way, he claimed that they were armed very easily.

Woojin snorted, letting out all the smoke from the last puff at once before he let go of the cigarette just as close to the end, letting the snow do its job of putting it out completely.

"Oh, hey, Wooj" Minho waved, turning the keys between his fingers of the opposite hand as he approached, leaving his 'sidekick' with a small smile as he crossed his eyes with Woojin behind Minho's back.

Woojin took a deep breath, deciding not to return that gesture for a little long. He turned his attention to his friend, still aware of Chan's presence, when Minho asked for one of the cigarettes in the pack pressed between his hip and the back of the seat. He had no idea if there was anything left after his stupid impulse to smoke one after the other, but he handed it over anyway, followed by the scratched lighter that wasn't his. But Minho didn't seem to notice his name carved in the bottom of object, anyway.

"Shouldn't you have come in by now?" Minho returned the lighter, taking a long drag before releasing the smoke, adding to the density of his hot breath in a cold of fewer than ten degrees Celsius. Woojin observed, already missing something to warm up his body (and burn his lungs).

"I should have, but my classes with -" He frowned as he was interrupted by the sound of one of his phone apps, swearing to himself that he had silenced it. Woojin looked up, watching Chan put his own iPhone inside his leather jacket, calmly. "My classes start a little later."

"I'll keep going, Minho, I'll see you at break"

Woojin followed as Christopher pulled out of the parking lot and headed for the campus, his shoulders relaxed and the wind pushing the hair out of his eyes. He got up, picking up his bag and locking the car. He thought about leaving his phone behind but sank it further in the back pocket of his jeans while accepting the drag offered by Minho - who at no time questioned the relationship of his friends. Perhaps because Woojin didn't really have anything to impulse people to ask questions, he didn't know Chan and kept hitting on that key, despite a good part of their circle of friendships in common.

“I thought you were banned from driving”

"You know, what the eyes don't see the heart doesn't feel"

\- ✰ -

_ I don't like sharing with the cigarette the function of leaving you breathless _

Woojin rested his back on the chair, one hand below his face while the other held the phone a little more tightly - taking care to not accidentally turn up the volume and call attention to what he didn't want. Lucky for him that Minho didn't know the sound the Grindr made, it wasn't really the curiosity of any straight guy to know that kind of thing. He ran his tongue over his lips, not thinking how to respond to a message from a specific moment when Woojin was face to face with whoever had sent it. Basically. They didn't exchange a word, but that didn't seem to be an obstacle for Chan.

He liked things exactly that way; as if every second of his voice would be better appreciated if it were whispered close to his ear.

_ I don't have much of a choice, you're not available when I want to relieve my stress _

Honestly, he didn't even think he was as willing to have sex as much as he was to light a cigarette or two between classes. Furthermore, one thing was much simpler than the other, it took much less time. Woojin wasn't so vanilla, but it was enough that everything was done in a hurry for those who had a thousand seminars in a single week to offset in just 22 hours - taking into account that he still needed to sleep.

_ If you ask nicely … _

He rolled his eyes, biting his lower lip as he supplied the urge to smile. He put his phone away, deciding that Christopher might as well wait, patience wasn't exactly his most trained virtue, and he was willing to help with that. At first, he thought it would be difficult to get the other to open up - ignoring the double meaning of the word - since he had a certain reputation around the campus. He had bad flirtatious tactics and maybe that was why Woojin liked to hear him speak with that soft accent and that smile too innocent for every word that left his mouth when they were alone. He was curious and inconsequential, most of the time, all of which can be measured only by the times they had had sex with a scheduled date and time.

Woojin was never looking for someone to relate to, that was the answers that came with every question from his parents about a possible girlfriend. He didn't intend to spend his life with anyone, regardless of gender. He has always been well on his own and even though he hasn’t yet passed through the residence, he could guarantee that he wouldn't have time to meet the needs of a healthy relationship. He wouldn't be able to date, go to birthday parties, just to end the day too tired even for a few minutes of sex. Between Tinder and Grindr, there had been something close to two years since he discovered that only one was enough.

Lia, his younger sister, was the only one who knew about his interest in boys. Probably because he always made very specific guesses about each 'crush' of Jisu throughout her teenage years; which would eventually entitle her to do the same for his. But Christopher was a novelty that she still didn't know about. Even with so many meetings between the few minutes that Woojin had to breathe in the middle of his routine - and that Chan had already pointed out that he would like to revoke - it wasn't so easy just to deduce that they had sex casually. Perhaps because it's simply periodic, sometimes twice a week, sometimes once in three. They didn't pass the stage of knowing what course they were taking and why they had chosen them; although he was curious to know why exactly Chan had chosen chemistry. He didn't know if he was wondering why Woojin was in medicine and that already said a lot about the limit of naming what wasn't nominable.

He was okay with that. He liked the feeling of having something to himself as he needed to share everything with two brothers. Obviously that exclusivity was relative, but it was still valuable information for anyone who discovered it and wanted to throw their unclear sexuality to the wind. Woojin never felt he needed to reaffirm anything for anyone but himself, but he admired those who openly experienced their homosexuality. He wasn't a resilient person enough for the negative attention that being gay could bring, from homophobia to the requirement to meet standards he was nowhere close to meeting.

But he was human like any other and it was enough to express between four walls. Or two. Or just curtains and doors on a car that smells of red Marlboro.

The point was, as much as he knew Christopher so superficially and his body was nothing but the beginning of the trail, Woojin could say with absolute certainty that he wanted something. Even if he could ask him directly if the whole conversation was about sex, after all that was exactly what they kept in contact with through a relationship app and not through other more private social networks. Woojin didn't have Chan's contact saved on kakao, whatsapp, facebook, or anything similar. He had no idea if the area code was from there or from another country, what was the background of his phone or if the password was numbered, drawn or by fingerprint. These were irrelevant details for those who found themselves so sporadically and weren't willing to chew on the inside expecting a direct response from those who ate quietly.

His last college year was practically over and so there was no remorse in when he got up, supporting his phone, lighter and cigarette pack between his fingers, quickly warning Jungwoo that he would be back - or was in the plans, since his backpack had been hanging across the chair and he didn’t mind carrying his coat with him, he wouldn’t even go very far. Woojin leaned against the room door with a soft click, looking up and down the hall until his feet automatically led him to the stairwell, heading toward the open campus courtyard.

Not having the jacket had been a bad idea. Being accustomed to the cold didn't make him very happy to deal with it as it seemed, his body retracting until he hugged his own torso keeping his hands active with the lighter even when he put the cigarette between his lips, lighting it in the opposite direction that the wind was blowing. The heat from the inside helped, but it wasn't enough. He pulled the wool sleeves of his turtleneck over his wrists, the high collar a little closer to his chin. When he picked up his phone again, he tried to be positive about the possibility of his fingers simply cogging and falling right there.

_ I'm not the type to beg _

He smiled to himself at the answer, taking the cigarette out of his mouth so that he could release the trapped smoke for longer than adequate. His lungs and throat burned, a feeling of satisfaction that went beyond cigarettes. Woojin didn't think it was wrong for him to like it, in a less specific context. The feeling of being able to live something that didn't involve so many feelings and yet was capable of being intense, of being unique. Regardless if he didn't think much about how he really felt about all that, what to call each thing, he was sure that Christopher would be a lasting memory. Perhaps because he was used to his presence filled with his observations, drafted only on the positive side of the situation.

He could be different with him than he was with friends, with family. In part, he hoped it was - there was something in the database of his memory about having a persona for each one that is found throughout life, all of them being one or none in particular. It was a developing theory for anyone who had never really gone after anything else about it, it just seemed to apply that situation well. Christopher was something to himself that he knew he wouldn't be to anyone else, no matter how exactly they weren't unique to each other.

Woojin frowned the space between his eyebrows, the cigarette back in his mouth and his eyes parked on one of the pillars on the opposite side of the courtyard. He didn't know what his line of reasoning actually meant, it could go much deeper than he thought it was safe to follow. He blew out the smoke again and if Chan had answered him, he had no idea. His arm was lowered, not even the dark cloud caused by nicotine doubled his eyes from the fixed point he was facing. It looked interesting, but in reality, Woojin just stared at the abyss hoping it would look back at him. He stretched his lips in a thin line and only released the tension in his shoulders, ironically, when he felt himself being embraced from behind with the affection of his younger sister's thin arms.

"You should be studying" Lia smiled, turning away from the side of his body on which Woojin hung his wrist and cigarette. “Not making a face at the frozen grass”

"I don't like the cold, what better way to express it than on my face?"

"For someone who doesn't like the cold, you shouldn't be without your jacket then" Jisu nudged the older man's arm, then turning his hands over to her sweatshirt pocket; and it was only at that moment that Woojin realized how committed she was to not surrendering to the temperature drops. The hood, scarf, gloves and at least three pairs of blouses. Normally she was much smaller, too.

"How many socks are you wearing?"

"Two"

As if possible Woojin further shortened the space between his eyebrows, outraged by the exaggeration while Lia just laughed, possibly at the thousands of expressions he was able to hold in a few minutes. In and out of the conversation.

"You have a notification"

He followed Lia's eyes to his hand, where the phone quickly showed the Grindr icon, thanks to the device in the muffler without emitting any greater fanfare. Unfortunately, however, Woojin had already shared enough with his sister that she knew what he was doing outside the het radar around him. Furthermore, the first person to find out about Grindr had been her and Woojin would only serve as a guinea pig since Hyunwoo, the oldest of the three, had married a woman more than two years ago.

"Who is this time?" Woojin stubbed out his cigarette on the nearest pillar, watching Lia's effort to put her chin on one of his shoulders to have a wide view of when he unlocked his phone. Not that he intended to do that in front of her. “Anyone I know or new to? Doyoung was cute, I think you should go out with him again ”

“Very simple” Entering the conversation Woojin smiled, buying time for Lia to forget the message “Only in math minus and minus gives a plus”

“You underestimate yourself. Aren't you going to look at the message? ”

"Why are you so curious?"

"Oh, is a  _ bro _ then?"

Not exactly. Or at least, Woojin never put that kind of thermology in his vocabulary. Chan hadn't really made a point of hiding his identity in the app, putting something like “curious straight guy” or username types whose intention was more than obvious. Looking this way, it could be, but the way Jisu had put the situation on the table made him have a good laugh, a little more hoarse from the cigarette than usual.

"I don't know, but I don't think so"

Woojin was fine with his sexuality for himself, but he knew it wasn't like that with everyone. Some showed it openly - and he knew a good deal of them, whether by sight or coexistence - while others preferred to avoid as many headaches as he himself did. Maybe Chan was one of them, maybe his sexuality just wasn't much more widespread than to his group of friends. Since Woojin didn't attend parties frequently he didn't know what he was like in relation to people of the opposite sex, he only sporadically listened to how handsome the boys in his fraternity were. One piece of information for Woojin. He sighed.

“Wow” Lia smiled again “You wasted a few minutes looking at your phone and sighing. Is he that cute? ”

“Let's say I have good taste” He fumbled out of his little sister's touch, putting his phone in his pocket before returning Jisu's expression while it lasted “I would love to continue the conversation, but as you put it, I should be in class. ” He also kept the lighter, which until then had taken up unnecessary space in his hand, leaving it in the front pocket of his jeans. "By the way, ask Chaeyeon for a ride today, I'm not going straight to home"

\- ✰ -

  
  


“Smoking is prohibited in the campus”

Woojin raised his eyebrows, moving his eyes from the lighter over the tip of the cigarette in his mouth as he went down the small blind steps towards the middle of the lawn. Chan had just risen from the stands, his hands in the pockets of the same leather jacket just a little stained by the snow melted on his shoulders. He didn't seem bothered by the fact that it was necessary to wait ten minutes more than agreed. The entire campus was now more partially empty, with any student at a distance of almost a kilometer; maybe. No one had any reason to be there in the middle of winter.

"But it's an open space" Woojin tucked his lighter into his denim jacket, tossing the bag backward to relieve the movement of his arms. He pushed the cigarette out of his mouth, releasing smoke in a deliberately slow way, looking denser in the open air. "And don't worry, snow doesn't burn"

Chan raised his eyebrow, a little skeptical about Woojin's so accurate statement and he knew very well why, promptly deciding he would ignore it. They weren't there to discuss that kind of logic, especially since Woojin was counting the time they would have to stop seeing each other - or reduce the frequency with which they found themselves disregarding possible other reasons. That was his last year before he started his residency, which would take him two or four more of the six dedicated to the course. It could also count as the biggest reason to always agree with the most absurd and even inappropriate places; as well as the reason why he had been spending a lot more money on cigarette packs that didn't last until noon.

“You aren't very healthy for someone who will take care of the health of others” Woojin gives Chan the freedom to remove the cigarette from his fingers as he moved a little closer, supporting it on his lips before closing his hands over the tip so that it burns again more quickly. The disadvantage of cold days for those who fed certain heated habits.

"Do what I say, not what I do" A simple, ready-made sentence that answered any question. "Apparently if I was your doctor, you would ignore that too"

"I have good control"

"That's what everyone says"

Chan smiled, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth to let the smoke out a little way from Woojin's face, although not enough that he didn't notice a little in front of his eyes, swinging the right hand slightly to get away from what he could. At no time did Christopher seem to be keen to return the stolen cigarette to him, but he didn't bother to light another one. Eventually, it would taste the same in his mouth, but in other ways. Maybe just not so bitter, in part it depended indirectly on what Chan had eaten. He hoped he liked pineapple juice a lot.

"So -" Woojin followed Christopher with his eyes as he rested his cigarette on his full, red lips, the same smile on his face, the audacity to put his hand in one of his pockets to steal the white lighter - the third he knew that would not return, but for a different reason than the other two. "Yours or mine?" He questioned with firm eye contact, again burning the cigarette that the wind insisted on making it difficult to keep burning.

For him anywhere, it would be a more than appropriate response.

\- ✰ -

"I thought you had twenty more minutes" Chan stared at the phone, keeping his legs crossed and his hand under his head, swinging his barefoot in the air. Woojin had been up for some time now, stealing the other's attention as he seemed to be struggling to slip his pants up his thighs. Chan smiled, pausing the timer just before the older could close the button. "Wow, 30 seconds."

“Great, the last one was forty” Woojin approached, taking the phone from Chan's hands to return it to the back pocket of his pants, making sure to attach the hem of his sweater to the waistband. His jacket was out of the room, lying on the couch where, unfortunately, the car keys were, too. ”They will fine me if I stay too long”

"A lot happens in twenty minutes"

It was more time than it seemed, less than it needed when it came to Chan. Woojin didn't respond at first, preferring to concentrate on putting some of the rings back on assorted fingers, his eyes never leaving those that were staring back. Sometimes he thought too much about what in theory he insisted he didn't think about. It even sounded contradictory to reinforce so much that it was nothing, but to do it all the time and therefore induce to think too much about that smile of dimples and eyes hidden by the fringe of deformed curls that always tangled in the lashes.

"Unless you pay, no chance"

"We are evolving the status now" Chan sat on his own heels, enough to be able to hold Woojin by the hip bringing him in necessary steps closer. "When can I start calling you  _ baby _ ?"

"No way"

It was strange how his laughter made his stomach turn but in an uncomfortably pleasant way. It was childish and broke some of the adult conversations, although not very mature. But the focus there was that Woojin wouldn't allow himself to be fined simply because he wouldn't be the one to pay for it, in case they eventually come to an agreement. Even because it was still his car, in his name. Woojin wasn't such an excellent driver and couldn't continue to risk his license like that.

"Okay, no fined then" Chan lifted his body, pressing his knees further into the mattress, trying to stand at a considerable height while the other was still standing. "I have another idea"

"As long as it doesn't involve your daddy kink, we can talk about it" He started, before taking Chan's hands off his hips with a little aggressive, but not necessarily smooth, movements "But not now"

"You didn't let me speak"

"My twenty minutes have now become fifteen"

"I convince you in two"

"You already took five" Woojin scored again, leaving the room in soft steps on the carpet towards the stairs, listening to Chan's bare feet a lot further back. He picked up his jacket on the sofa, rummaging in his pockets behind the car key, perhaps purposefully slower than it normally would be. It was his favorite piece of clothing, he knew it by heart and it sauntered where each pocket was and which one was pierced inside.

"I'll let you park in the garage" He felt his strong arms tighten around his waist for a few minutes, but giving him the freedom to crouch over the back of the sofa as the bunch of keys plummeted on one of the cushions.

"But what?"

“How demanding you are”

"You are the one who wants me here, you need better proposals"

Woojin turned around, feeling the hands back on his hips when facing Chan, his arms sliding into his jacket and the keys now firmly in the palm of one hand. It was funny to watch passively as Chan unconsciously jutted his lips forward as he thought, with a small pout, before switching to the nervous dragging of teeth from the bottom. Woojin crossed his arms, patient.

"Okay, I'll give you two packs of cigarettes"

"You would have to do it anyway, you ended up with the last one I had"

"And a burden of beers."

"You park"

\- ✰ -

Dressing that again would be a hard work, but at least without the volume of condoms or the pack of cigarettes that occupied the back pockets of his pants, the time spent in that damn jeans on the thighs should be ten seconds. Being optimistic, after all, sweat didn't help much in the necessary anti-adherence and it would be uncomfortable to return to such a heavy fabric even if it was much hotter than keeping himself exposed to the wind that came from the half-open window of the living room.

They didn't get very far, even though there was a chance that someone might end up returning sooner than expected to the house that Chan shared with five other people - he himself didn't seem too worried about it. It was, in some way, something positive, one of those experiences that he recognized wouldn't be repeated anytime soon. Woojin knew he was spending all of his “incredible moments” in a few. Christopher was open to experimentation and although he wasn't the only one with whom Woojin was already involved, he was the one who remained interested the longest.

If it was mutual, he didn't know. If it was deep, he would rather not know. He was there because of the arching in the back under his hands, because of the gasping in his ears and the curses that came as a toast because it was common. Or at least he was already strangely accustomed. Chan wasn't exactly aggressive but in fact intense - for lack of another better word since it was the closest compared to a complete dictionary that he could use to describe him.

It must have had something to do with the way Chan's fingers always ended up marking his skin, or how his strength had once torn a pillow; there was already a small hole in the pillowcase, so it shouldn't really be a big deal. It just seemed so. But it could also be the way he parted his lips, wet, or how he judged them when he demanded the need for silence. Or how his thighs clung so tightly around his waist whenever Woojin went a little deeper.

He brought one hand up to Chan's chin, studying him from above for a few more seconds until he returned looking directly into his eyes. Woojin had never been a person of eye contact, he wasn't comfortable in a conversation analyzing someone for so long that he was able to respond. The heat that rose through his chest wasn't for embarrassment, it wasn't uncomfortable. It never was and, as he might expect at that point, it wasn't the first time either.

"I know I'm probably the best thing you found on grindr" Chan muttered under his breath, his mouth so close to his that Woojin was able to feel, concretely, every word said. "But if you don't go faster, your pack of cigarettes will stay for another day"

In fact, it wasn't too early, no matter how much the sun continued outside to do its job. It was supposed to be close to six in the afternoon, but he wasn't really going to find out now that the twenty minutes had become well over half an hour. He didn't want to think too hard about the idea that he would be fined - or he had already been and it was leaning against the windshield of his car with an unhappy note from an unhappy guard for working in such cold seasons. And Chan was right, his cigarette was an important part of feeding one of the addictions he had among many that he has discovered over the past month. If he had already given in until there, he was able to be a little more patient with himself.

"Apparently you can't do everything in twenty minutes" Woojin smiled as he moved his hand down Chan's back, pushing the curve of his lower back against his hip so that he would change his positions a bit to something more comfortable. He sat down, bringing the other in his lap as Chan immediately hugged his neck to keep his balance. "Are you in a hurry now?"

"Not exactly" Woojin breathed a little deeper, his fingertips quickly reaching the hem of Chan's shirt until they reached his bare thigh, partially spreading the barely visible tattoo on ordinary days. "But I would say that we are already halfway there"

He might as well extend those minutes to an hour as if he hadn't touched him enough when they were still at the stage of getting rid of his pants, but Chan seemed to disagree with his ability as he rested one hand on his knee and bent one arm behind the back of his neck, keeping their faces ridiculously close. Not that it ended up limiting Woojin's performance in any way, but he couldn't concentrate on much from that moment on. He paid attention to how deep the brown eyes were that seemed to see in him always beyond what he showed. As uncomfortable a situation as it seemed the first time - after all Chan was an open book when it came to his emotions when they were alone, while Woojin was the complete opposite and took time to match - which should be so casual, he ended up crossing the line of intimacy he would imagine that he normally put himself in that case. Chan created too many doubts in his head with too little, or maybe they came up more often now that there was no reason to block them with too much more to do.

He dragged the right hand under the other's thigh, hooking one arm behind his knee, bringing him closer together with the opposite that returned the hug at his waist. Woojin's sudden gesture elicited a low moan from Chan, who narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips with a little force. It was always a tug of war, but none was really trying to win. Maybe Woojin just liked the feeling of the choked penis inside Chan as well as he knew he preferred nothing to touch his erection tangled between the fabric of both clothes. The downside was that he would definitely need to wash his turtleneck with cold water as soon as Chan came against his chest after a few slower and more tortuous movements on his part than was really necessary.

"Shit" Woojin smiled when he heard the curse loaded with the accent that Chan normally managed to do very well without making it evident. It had been a while since he realized how different his pronunciation was at more sensitive moments. "I thought you weren't in a hurry"

"I never said that." He watched Chan's hand leave his knee toward his chest, his fingers curling lightly into the wool of his sweater, as he followed Chan's unrestrained breath to reach the curve above his upper lip. “Even because you were the one who finished first”

"Hm" Woojin released the leg he was still holding when he felt the light slap in his hand, waiting for Chan to straighten up, but he looked very comfortable with the gasp he let out in a specific movement of his hip. "We will solve this"

He didn't know what to concentrate on as soon as both hands went to his face, Chan's mouth in his with some laziness as well as the movement in circles on his lap. Chan didn't allow his focus to be on just one place. His hands also seemed eager to feel him, partially lifting his shirt looking for feel every ripple in the muscles in his abdomen, rising higher and higher without a specific direction. Woojin could identify the tremor in the other's thighs as he went up and down with his body, deepening the kiss, exploring every centimeter of each other. If Chan was intense, Woojin just let the stream take him back, squeezing the bodies again while he let out in a low growl with the orgasm that was a little less noisy when his mouth was so busy.

"Are you going to bite me too?" Chan chuckled softly at the sound made by Woojin, which in part might even resemble a snarl; but he wasn't very aware of it when the question came, he still tasted the kiss in his mouth, felt his fingers tingling as they tightened the grip on his waist, the blood slowly returning to the rest of his body.

Chan slid off his lap, the motion too fluid for Woojin to follow. He sat beside him on the sofa, his chest rising and falling as he ran his hand through his blond hair, seeming to separate the strands wet with sweat from those that were more dry and frizzy. Finally he managed to face the clock on the other side of the wall, the time being not very different from what he would have predicted it would be. Woojin felt that his head was a little out of orbit, something like seconds, but that it felt like much longer than the thirty-some minutes that had passed since they came down from the room until then. He lowered his face, pulling on the hem of his sweater with a sigh.

"Great aim" Woojin commented, not very happy, but complacent. In response, he had a small smile, without Chan taking his eyes off the ceiling. They looked smaller, the eyelids sagging for a while as he blinked.

“It's not like I have a lot of choices”

Forcing his body to move, Chan stood up, taking the opportunity to also check the condition of his shirt; which wasn't very different because of the proximity at the time in question. He pulled it by the shoulders, removing by the head, showing tremendous freedom to walk naked in the living room while Woojin removed the condom making sure of the firm knot at the end. He was used to long periods of research and work, nights in the laboratory, the pains in his arms and shoulders from the books he carried wherever he went. But that kind of tiredness was different, it wasn't accompanied by any discomfort, in fact, just the wear and tear of the body on everything it produced. At least he knew he would sleep well, no matter what time he actually went to bed that night.

"I'll get you another shirt, you know where the bathroom is"

Woojin looked at him again as he headed for the stairs, taking that as his cue to move as well. He lifted his body, pulling up his boxers and jeans huddled near his ankle, but he didn't bother to close them. Chan returned in the interval between removing his own shirt and properly discarding the condom, taking the necessary time in the bathroom so that at least he didn't feel so hot.

"It was the clearest thing I found" Woojin raised his hand, catching the moss green sweater in the air as soon as it was thrown in his direction. He barely noticed when Christopher removed the turtleneck from his possession and tossed it in the laundry basket. "I know you don't like dark clothes"

"Wow, what a consideration"

As much as it came out in a provocative and slightly playful tone of voice, the truth was, he didn't expect Chan to notice that kind of thing. Woojin didn't really have an aversion to black, brown or anything like that, he just didn't think they contrasted very well with his naturally tanned skin tone; or just that normally clothes with that color pattern didn't suit him as well as with the other and his vast black and white collection. And when he pulled on the sweater a few sizes larger than he would actually wear, it felt like a warm hug - despite the v-neck leaving at least three fingers of his collarbone exposed.

"Does it really fit you?" He questioned, pulling his sleeves up towards his elbows as they loosened his hands easily.

"No" Chan smiled, approaching Woojin to take the liberty of lifting the hem of the sweater, closing the button and the zipper of the jeans that until then the other hadn't even remembered to be open. "At least, not like that"

Woojin repeated the process of attaching the sweater over the waistband of his pants, straightening his hair in front of the bathroom mirror even though it didn't really make a difference when he put his feet outside. Chan also didn't seem very willing to take too much care of his appearance, although natural sloppiness suited him very well. He had a seemingly endless supply of sweatpants and T-shirts without prints, just as it was common to see him barefoot even at inappropriate times. He hoped this wasn't one of them.

"You will freeze as soon as we leave"

"You won't need your jacket anyway"

\- ✰ -

"I don't feel my toes"

Woojin rolled his eyes but smiled small, unconcerned with Christopher's complaints when he had warned him it would happen - okay, not exactly that way, but the order of the factors didn't change the product. He was still covered in reason, even though behind him the other couldn't see his pride in it.

"I told you so" He concluded in a slightly humming way, his fingertips in his jeans pockets as they walked down the narrow aisle of the small market a few blocks away. At least they were relatively close by, whether it was from the university campus or the fraternity where Chan lived. “You could have stayed in the car”

"What an ugly habit of trying to get rid of me"

Not exactly. At least, not yet and sometimes he even wondered if he really needed it. Socially speaking, meeting someone in an app like Grindr wasn't the most romantic story in the world and he didn't even know of cases where everything had gone from a one night stand or something similar. Woojin didn't think Chan was a bad company, not even by far. He had a moderate sense of humor, he was someone who knew how to respect a limit when one was established - which was not exactly a common aspect of those who lived in an environment with paid friends, looking from a specific and critical point of view. Christopher didn't belong to a place with people that Woojin knew had forgotten responsibility at the bottom of vodka bottles.

But Woojin also knew that Chan wasn't helpless. He wasn't an angel. He only saw him as more humanly tolerable in the face of less than favorable options. And it was worth mentioning, it wasn't as if he were the most exemplary in the same proportion just because he didn't live in the same reality.

"You still have to pay the fine I took for your fault" He stopped in front of the refrigerators, adjusting the glasses he had taken from the compartment in the car before they entered, since he couldn't see much of the labels without them. "And my pack of cigarettes -"

"Okay, I get it, opportunist" Woojin laughed briefly, too focused to really pay attention to Chan or in the possible expression on his face out of the indignant tone of his words.

But he noticed the slight movement of the dry curls when he moved his head, noticing from the corner of his eyes how Christopher was looking for something. They were in a market, which was understandable, but he didn't have to think for a long time what he really wanted. He felt the hand on his waist hook the attention partially given to the refrigerators, turning his body in his direction, just a few inches lower. With the opposite hand, Chan pulled him closer by one of his pants pockets, the close breaths bringing a small smile to the other's face.

Woojin didn't even think about checking his surroundings. The silent agreement that nothing would happen in public didn't cross his mind - that was what defined a relationship like the one they had. There was no non-sexual contact outside of any environment; and simply because Woojin didn't have that much modesty, but it was different. He couldn't see the lust in a situation so simple to be described by anyone who saw it from outside. Or so strangely casual from where he managed to score.

When Christopher brushed the lips lightly against his, Woojin closed his eyes, concentrating only on the strange sensation that crept through the pit of his stomach. It was an innocent provocation, followed by a light nibble on his bottom lip making everything just get worse. In a good, very good way. Chan didn't hold his waist tightly, in fact, he barely felt a touch other than the mouth on his, in a chaste kiss and slower than those exchanging between four walls.

He didn't think too much to reciprocate, taking one of the coldest hands to the other's neck, feeling him twitch slightly under his touch. His glasses had slid back a little more and he was sure the lenses would be fogged up and perhaps slightly greasy by now. It wasn't a nuisance for that moment, however. Woojin could definitely hear the sound of the city outside, from the cashier girl flipping through random magazines sold cheaply on the counter. He could hear the clock as clearly as the sound of Chan's thick breathing as they moved away, their faces still close so that he was the only target of his attention, regardless of the world still around him.

"I'm going to get your cigarettes"

Woojin didn't move when Chan walked away, with a small smile after running his tongue over his lips in a gesture much more automatic than actually conscious. He lowered his arm, watching as he sees Chan's silhouette disappear through the corridors back to the entrance of the market, the feeling left behind not allowing him to think that Christopher shouldn't even have any idea which brand or filter he preferred.

Maybe it was his impression, but the taste was different. Sweeter, a spoonful of honey. He was with Chan the whole time so that he had actually tasted something between kisses. Perhaps it was the situation, unusual for someone who had never had time for public displays of affection. Woojin never had anyone to share small moments like that, never thought he needed to be like all other couples. He never thought he really needed a relationship, his career wouldn't even allow him to be in a healthy one.

But he raised his fingertips to his mouth, missing the feeling. Not necessarily what he had already tasted several times.

He thought about asking why, but it would be making a storm in a glass of water, it shouldn't be too much. Christopher did what he wanted and wasn't exactly wrong in taking the life that way. Woojin wanted to have that freedom. Shouldn't that be what made him stay so long? Maybe the sex was just good. But it wasn't really that.

He nibbled his lip, turning his hands in front of his pockets, his attention returning to the refrigerators, though not with the same focus. Woojin looked at the labels and didn't see what he really should be paying attention to. He ended up taking a crate of what caught his attention the most, returning to the cashier where Chan talked to the clerk about chewing gum and wines. She looked at him like he was an idiot. Maybe he really was.

"It took a while" Chan stared at the crate for a while before taking the wallet out of his pocket, extending the exact bills to the girl. "At least it's a good brand"

It was?

\- ✰ -

They ended up staying right there, across the street, watching the movement of the small market - which wasn't much and whenever Woojin looked at the attendant through the transparency of the doors he noticed her in the same position, perhaps on the same page of the magazine as well. Woojin lowered his head, lighting his cigarette while using one hand to block the wind. Chan was lying in the backseat, hands crossed on his stomach and feet out of the car, very comfortable despite having complained about the cold in his toes again.

Woojin was sitting on the passenger's side, his body a little crooked and his back resting against the small compartment on the panel. One puff on the cigarette and then passed it on to the other through the space between the seats. The silence wasn't strange or unpleasant, there wasn't so much movement in the winter and he had counted three or four cars in the time they had arrived there.

"Minho told me that you will start your residency next year" Chan blinked slowly, playing with the cigarette between his fingers without looking directly at Woojin.

"Yep" He answered precisely, swallowing the urge to question whether Minho had shared the information for free or if Christopher had asked about it.

"Are you going to stay here?"

"No, I must return to Bucheon by the end of the month"

Chan turned his head, finally crossing his eyes with Woojin. For a while, no one else said anything because there was nothing really relevant to say. Woojin took the time he thought necessary to nurture that moment, redesigning what might be necessary to remember the other's features. It didn't exactly have a purpose, wanting to remember something that made a difference in his life shouldn't cause his stomach to get cold like that. He bit his lower lip a little harder this time, watching Chan adjust himself, dragging his body up a little and automatically dragging the hem of his shirt further down, partially exposing his chest. The wobbly crucifix fell on the leather bench, the chain crossing the tattoo a finger or two below his collarbone.

Woojin knew he was driving, but he still picked up one of the beers from the crate on the floor of the car, opening it with the hem of that ridiculous sweater that very purposely smelled of the versace eros that Christopher wore.

"You are contradictory" Woojin raised his eyebrows, adjusting himself better when Chan mirrored his gesture, not necessarily doing more than turning his body to the side. His fingertips were a little more rounded, but he was sure that all the heat was settled on the red lips, where the cigarette had passed recently.

"Per?"

"A doctor who is a compulsive smoker, an addict for red filter cigarettes, and who is drinking even though he knows he has to drive." Chan moved the cigarette again between his fingers, as if his reference points stood out as he said them. Then he took a small drag, thanking the car's open doors even though the smoke would still remain on the car's roof after all. It would be inevitable as long as Woojin continued with the habit of smoking within it.

“They are the only legal drugs that don't depend on a prescription” And everything, as always, is subject to change at any moment “But if it bothers you ...” Woojin took the bunch of keys out of his pocket, needing to lift his hip in the process in a relatively uncomfortable moment. He tossed them in the direction of the other, not caring if he really got it - but Christopher had a good reflex, apparently. "You drive now"

"What if I don't know how to drive?"

“You only take a ride with Minho because you prefer not to drive, it doesn't mean you don't know how to” And because, obviously, the circle of mutual friends let him know details that normally he didn't consider much of. Even more in a university setting, where even saving gasoline was a valid argument.

"Apparently we know a lot more about each other than I thought"

Woojin kept the bottle close to his lips as he watched Chan move again, closing the car door and passing between the seats forward, specifically on the side of the steering wheel where he would stay from then on. Woojin could have said it would be easier for him to go around the outside, but he kept quiet, taking another intense sip of the beer that was burning down his throat. At least it wasn't as bitter as any other brand that he knew was more popular. He moved his wrist, looking at the label moistened by the cold drink before entertaining himself by peeling it with the tips of his fingers and the corners of his short nails.

"What else do you know about me?" Christopher officially settled next to him, just tilting the seat further so that he fits with his whole body without having to bring his feet to the floor. Fortunately, space was something that wasn't lacking even for those who had the size of a closet.

"More than I should, less than it looks"

"That doesn't answer my question"

"What else besides what you tell me when we first met?" Woojin moved the bottle in a circular way, taking another long sip as if he were just trying to push that conversation to another moment. But he wasn't drunk enough to use that as an excuse. “I know you have a driver's license because you haven't denied that you do. You don't drink because you think alcohol tastes bad - “

"I don't remember saying that"

"Last Sunday you dropped the bottle that Hyunjin gave you without taking a single sip"

"But about having bad taste ..."

"I drink it and even then it tastes terrible to me." Okay, he was basing it all on his own impressions, which should have been less empathic on his part. However, even though Chan claimed to be a good brand drink - which he didn't really care about - he never made it a point to take one for himself, letting Woojin taste it alone. "Besides, I'm drinking on my own"

"Hu-hum, I'm driving, remember?" Chan shook the keys, forcing the other to roll his eyes.

"You didn't deny it"

"You could have just said that before."

Woojin realized that his cigarette would never return at that point and for an instant, he was also not concerned with the fact that the number of spaces for air circulation inside the car had decreased. Still, he leaned over to stretch one arm out to the side of Christopher's body, rolling down the window in a fluid, not too hurried motion. But he didn't open more than half, adjusting his posture when Chan placed one hand flat on his shoulder, using the other to swallow his cigarette again, enough so that he could throw the rest along the ashes towards the street.

"It's an uncomfortable position, you know?" He asked, but not exactly waiting for an answer. He dragged his hips better on the seat, supporting himself by the arm next to the other's legs.

His mouth tasted bitter this time, probably because of the drink, far from the most pleasurable thing to have ever tasted. But his was even more palatable, even if his contact with him was at that moment limited to a gentle brush as the smoke that stung and passed from one mouth to the other, much of it lost in the wind blowing through the open space of the window. Woojin could also feel the dry hair that moved with the same air circulation, scratching between the space between his eyebrows.

"Give me a week, until this Friday," Chan muttered under his breath as if sharing a secret with himself. The now-empty hand went up the hair on the back of Woojin's neck while the opposite tightened his shoulder a little more.

"For what?"

"One week, trust me"

\- ✰ -

"Keep your thumb firm on the back, or you will continue to have weak notes"

Woojin watched automatically, his head actually in another world. It had been this way for almost the whole week, the tension visible in his shoulders, no matter how much he acknowledged he seemed calmer than he actually was. But Lia was an observer and soon tried to leave the guitar propped beside her on the wall, turning the chair so that she crossed her arms on its top and concentrated completely on her brother - who still held his hand below his face and couldn't really perceive the movement around him.

"Earth is calling" She snapped her fingers in front of Woojin's static eyes, receiving in response a slow movement of the brown iris towards her. "Hey, stay with me, focus"

"I'm not dying" Woojin pulled her hand away from him, straightening his spine with a thick sigh.

"Technically, you don't have classes and all that stuff until graduation, so what's going on in that little head of yours?"

Woojin rested his back more comfortably on his own seat, keeping his hands in his jacket pockets as he stretched his heels further. It was something he had been keeping for himself and not exactly for selfish reasons, as looking at it now had been what fed that "secret" previously. There really wasn't even a reason to keep anything, probably an unconscious way of practicing a popular saying that what you don't know isn't spoiled. But Woojin was a bit skeptical about having something to actually spoil, no matter how harmonious was a relationship that hadn't been meant to last from the beginning. He knew that and perhaps it was more of a question that left the interrogation in his conscious and subconscious so active, disturbing his sleep, his concentration, his routine.

What as much as Woojin hated to admit, it was still his way of keeping track of the life thrown on an uncontrolled train.

"Okay, I think you might know" He concluded, a little more to himself although he immediately caught Jisu's interest "Do you remember the person I was talking to?"

"Uhum, that you didn't want to tell me who he is... What made you change your mind?"

"One question at a time" Woojin gestured briefly, dragging his hips back in the chair seeking the comfort he wouldn't find as the problem wasn't exactly in the position in which he sat. "His name is Christopher"

"Vague -"

"Lia"

"Ok, ok, go ahead"

“He's from a fraternity whose name matters nothing to me -“

"What's the color?"

"Hm ..." Woojin wrinkled the space between his eyebrows, trying to remember the times he was at the house and when his concern could for an instant be thrown out of the naked body in his lap. It was understandable that he wasn't normally aware of the environment in those situations. "Orange and something"

"Wow, you caught a big fish and well ... Out of your type"

"This isn't important." To begin with, he didn't know that he has exactly a type, “I don't know much about him except his name, age, that he has a heavy accent and for some reason, he decided to study chemistry”

"It's more than you know about others"

"I didn't have that much time with others"

“And how long have you been with this one without letting me know? Should I be offended? ”

"Some months"

"Woojin!"

Lia turned the chair over again, visibly indignant that she was no longer his main confidant - although Woojin said nothing to anyone, which automatically leaves her in the same position with no sign of threat. It wasn't like he was going to tell Minho, Hyunjin or any of those who definitely wouldn't know how to keep the information to themselves for a long time. Both because Woojin is gay and because he was with someone they knew and wasn't exactly sure if they  _ knew  _ about him. He knew that Lia, however extroverted, had no circle close to Chan's.

“I didn't tell anyone, I don't know what all that drama is for. The point is that Minho told him that I'm leaving at the end of the month and he asked me for a week ”

"One week? For what?"

"If I knew I wouldn't be thinking about it so much"

He was far from being a romantic person - or at least he didn't have much time to exercise any romanticism - so Jisu's bright eyes meant nothing to Woojin. Not even when any words from then on could be predicted, so all he had to do was roll his eyes at what Lia started in a small speech about the possibility that Chan was using the opportunity to take a step further in the relationship that Woojin had not even specified what it was, but he didn't think it needed to be more direct than what it had been until then.

"Here you go again"

“Someone in this family needs to have the least hope” The girl shrugged “Do a little exercise in imagination, Wooj, he doesn't think like you”

"Clearly"

"I don't know how you managed to hook the boy's heart with your morning moodiness and dubious self-care practices"

Woojin didn't think of himself as "worthy" of something like that; the quotes very well placed because he knew it wasn't really the way things worked, it just seemed impossible to be a real interest to someone who didn't know his bad days and to be honest he hadn't even shown him his qualities on ordinary or randomly positive days. He used to separate his physical attraction very well from what would lead him to a relationship and it didn't take much to equally point out that Woojin wasn't looking for anything much deeper than sex. For some years now, at that point. The last person to cross that line was a girl and not because he would like to try the other side, it had been much more of a social rule in that specific case. At least Chaeyeon was nice and a good friend until these days.

"It's your fault that I always carry a pack of cigarettes, I was running out of excuses to get away from you" He joked, thanking the good reflex in which Lia prepared to kick him and he automatically shrugged his legs. "I intend to stop"

"You have been saying this for two years and from one pack a day we jump to three"

“Lia, I can't and I don't want to think about relationships now, as simple as that” He returned to the subject because it was easier to explain in that aspect than in another.

"So why don't you tell him that?"

"To begin with, neither of us is sure if it's exactly what he wants or what he is going to do -"

“Oh, please, other than wanting to convince you to stay the only thing I can think of is that he’ is getting ready to kidnap you. What ends up being the same in the end.”

He ran a hand through his hair, leaning forward in an annoyed grunt. Lia wasn't exactly wrong, but Woojin wanted Chan to be sensible not to follow that idea - not least because he wasn't going to change the plan he had made so long ago for a moment that didn't even last six months. Sex wasn't enough to maintain and stabilize a relationship. Although they both did well in side conversations it meant nothing because Woojin tended to be as kind and polite as Chan seemed to be charismatic with everyone around him. It was normal to want to maintain good sociability and nothing more.

"It's a shame" Jisu clicked her tongue at the top of her mouth, displeased. "You'll break his heart"

\- ✰ -

It was Friday. Minho had sent another message, but Woojin hadn't read it yet. He was sure the last time he looked at the clock was after six, but he didn't know how long it had been. At least, he was dressed - as far as he was willing to dress, which wasn't so much, but it was enough to leave the house without looking like the last week had been a true hell for different and multiple reasons. He was staring at the ceiling trying not to think too much about what the night would be like. It was no longer a novelty that he didn't attend parties regularly and not because he didn't feel good about them, which was what was expected of a university student in all aspects. Woojin knew how to enjoy a good night, putting it that way, the point was that this day he was a little too attached to emotional issues.

He hadn't discussed the matter with Lia, it didn't seem like a good idea and his sister had an opinion already formed that made him afraid that it was much more of a fact than a hunch. He didn't know exactly if he could call that resentment simply than fear. He wasn't afraid to surrender if he thought it was a safe situation, but he certainly wasn't the type to give up long plans - and as for Chan, he was sure he had his own and that he probably wouldn't change them because of him either. He seemed to be sensible at least in that respect. And the main thing was that in case he was wrong, Woojin didn't want to break anyone's heart.

He tapped his fingers on his belly and moved his bare feet on the floor, anxious. He needed to be honest with himself, he liked Chan enough to not want to cross that barrier where clearly someone was hurt. Ending 'colorful friendships' was an easy thing for Woojin as long as he didn't go beyond living together. He wasn't friends with any of the boys he had slept with and it wasn't something that weighed on his conscience. They did what they had to do without raising too many expectations.

But Christopher knew his brand of cigarettes, he knew his preference for light clothes and that Woojin usually wore no perfume - for lack of time, in most cases. It was more than anyone would have bothered to notice and much more than Woojin was concerned to demonstrate. On the other hand, he wasn't much different either. He found himself wearing that moss-green sweater much more during the week than he imagined, the strong smell of versace eros not diminishing in any degree despite exposure to different environments. It was his fault that he let things get to that point. That Chan knew things about him that probably not even Jisu or Hyunwoo did. Very badly his mother herself.

"Hey, sleeping beauty" Woojin moved his head slightly to the side, watching his sister with her arms crossed "Minho is at the door, he said he came to get you before you give up"

He was very close, if he was going to be honest, but the offer of alcohol at a time like this seemed welcome - aside from the fact that he knew deep down that he would see Chan at some point, they were always in similar circumstances. Still, somewhat reluctantly, Woojin stood up, dragging the body over to the nightstand where he took out his cell phone and wallet, each of which kept his pocket; the second with the basics because he didn't exactly have a good memory when he exceeded certain limits.

"And I thought you weren't dedicated" Jisu stayed in front of his brother for a few seconds, just long enough to pull the chain out of his black T-shirt. There were rare occasions when Woojin opted for dark colors. Really rare.

“I'm not, it's a pair of pants and a shirt” He corrected, easily dodging the girl “Don't stay up late, but don't get enough sleep to leave me stuck outside if I come back early”

"I'm sure Minho doesn't mind you spending the night there"

Lia just shouted back, the rest of the sentence left after his friend's name was swallowed by the door as soon as Woojin closed it. At least the apartment was small, it was enough space for only him and his sister to live until he had to return to Bucheon and Jisu needed to find a roommate who could pay the rent. Woojin was very precise in his decisions and that was one of them, he just didn't understand how to explain it to whoever was probably trying to make him stay - but he wasn't sure about that either.

"You look sick" Minho said, taking his hand to Woojin's forehead, which made him frown over the ridiculously cold touch.

"I'm not, it's you who came out of a fridge" He tapped the other's wrist quickly "I'm fine, let's go before I change my mind."

Woojin had finished the second cigarette in what they had parked in front of the excessively large, two-story house - or an attic, it was difficult to say - and too many bottles scattered around the synthetic garden. There were clothes hanging from the windows and a loose stripe that sure should mean something. He wasn't disappointed to be in an environment in which he would be unable to hear his own voice as soon as he passed through the wide-open door, mainly because he could no longer hear so much of his own thoughts still there, across the street. It was an almost perfect place and that was only because Woojin was extremely critical.

In his view, Minho took too long to park badly; and never really seemed to make a point of hitting the car with the curb. So Woojin left just before the goal, passing the pack of cigarettes from one hand to the other, the lighter somewhere in the inside pocket of the jacket next to his documents. The smoke accumulated near the lamps in violet tones made it clear that smoking inside wasn't an exclusive idea of his, especially because it was an automatic addiction that he no longer had so much control over. He had already been kicked out of several places for this before, but he felt at home seeing a small smoking corridor leading straight to the back door of the house.

He supported only one between his lips, finally managing to reach the lighter before another hand appeared at eye level, lighting the cigarette on its own. Through her nails painted in bright pink, Woojin deduced that she was a woman - probably one who had been there for some time. He could smell the alcohol coming from her and honestly, a drink would go very well.

"Thank you" He thanked her, hoping that she could understand the movement of his lips from the smoke of the cigarette since he could go over the strange music that reverberated in his ears.

"You're welcome" Argh, finger guns. Woojin wanted to laugh but just occupied his hands as soon as she continued. "I know you -" A pause and a long sip from the red plastic cup in one of her hands, which until then Woojin hadn't even noticed that existed. Even though he didn't have that much time to notice things around him, it hadn't had two minutes since he entered. “You are that guy who always parks in the corner in the medical building. Man, that horrible park...”

"Hey, Chae" Minho interjected a little later - making him question how much he had actually spent in parking - giving him a break from not exactly taking Chaeyoung's words as an offense. Not even defend himself because there was no real need. Minho put an arm around the girl's shoulders, taking the lighter from her hand. By the end of the night he would end up setting something on fire, but it wasn't his problem. "What are you drinking there?"

"I don't know, Dahyun gave it to me" Chaeyoung turned the cup clockwise "It tastes bad too, take it"

Woojin took the cup, watching as she dragged Minho with her like a parasite, looking like she was going to look for any other drink that would satisfy her; pure deduction, since they had just gone to the kitchen. As he expected of himself, normally cautious despite his regrets, Woojin reached the rim of the red cup close to his nose before turning the content at once, not noticing anything of dubious taste probably because it was too sweet. Like a fire that burned his throat too much nonetheless. If something unidentified to his senses were mixed in there, he would realize it later.

He switched to his cigarette again, taking a long drag while blowing smoke out of his nostrils, walking down the corridor towards the most crowded room of people of all forms. In fact, everything seemed to have been going on for more than two or three hours, when some pieces of clothing were discarded because inside four walls it was definitely a lot hotter than outside. He could already feel his neck sweaty, the clothes stuffy even though he wasn't sure about taking off his jacket for now.

“Hey, handsome, do you want a drink? Your cup looks empty” Dahyun stared at the plastic cup on the counter when Woojin abandoned it over there, taking the initiative to pour it up to the top with a mixture of bluish, non-dense color, probably less sweet than he had taken from the cup from Chaeyoung. Definitely less sweet.

From then on, at some point, Woojin no longer remembered what he had taken. One hour he was talking to Dahyun and he was exchanging his cigarette with her - even if he didn't like the filter she preferred - and another time he was being introduced to a guy who Woojin definitely wouldn't remember the name the next day. He was friendly, he spoke with a different accent and not that he didn't like it, but it left him with a strange feeling that he should be looking for something. That was definitely not there. He left the wheel of small people after an entire bottle of vodka emptied on the same counter, mixed with others with labels he was unable to read.

His pack of cigarettes had all been shared by then and he knew that what he had in his hands was simply nothing like what he had brought. Still, it was already lit and his lighter, once again, was gone. He ran his free hand through his sweaty hair, his eyes finally stopping at the source of the music, more in the corner. A small soundboard, commanded by one of the boys who had been introduced by Dahyun, with his arms stretched out too far as if it clearly hadn't been set up for him.

But there was Christopher, leaving Woojin in extreme discomfort at thinking too much about him as he tried hard not to. He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms on the one that moved the cigarette freely by his fingers, qualified as a drummer. Chan was hugging a girl with short hair, who was holding the hand of another boy apparently a little soberer. Whatever she said in his ear seemed amusing.

Woojin leaned his head against the wall, again taking a deep drag, the kind that made his lungs burn. This was certainly not doing very well. His mouth tasted bitter, from the drink, the cigarette and the feeling that it shouldn't be there - contrary to all his first thoughts. Perhaps Lia was wrong, which at first would be a positive impact. Woojin didn't want to have to deal with the idea of rejecting what was initially nothing and on the other hand, precisely because it was absolutely nothing, a portion of him was strangely disappointed.

"Watch out for wrinkles"

He shrugged and dragged his body away from the voice near his ear, finding the pile of blond, dry hair so close to his face. At least the excessively loud sound gave him a good reason why the invasion of his space wasn't entirely unjustified, although the hand on his waist wasn't. However, he couldn't quite think of it as a lack of discretion on the part of Chan or his, who unconsciously let himself be carried away by that expensive perfume that still managed to stand out from the smell of alcohol or sweaty bodies around him. The space between the "stage" and the corner where he was standing was shorter than it looked or he was probably asking himself internally for much longer than he had the impression. Everything was going too fast and too slow, simultaneously.

"They'll show up one day" He straightened up, removing the cigarette hitherto supported on his lips, his body very automatic turning to his company. But with his shoulder still against the wall, after all, Woojin didn't trust his coordination much after being in the same position for more than a few seconds. "I thought you were too busy to pay attention to me -"

If there was any doubt before, it had been resolved before Woojin could understand what he had actually said. His mouth had acted long before his brain processed what would or shouldn't be said, but in the end, it just turned his priorities into something to be ashamed of later. If he were to remember, what was still likely to happen. However, before the regret hit and he tried to correct himself, Christopher grinned, showing the dimples in his reddened cheeks thanks to the local temperature. And that was because it was only at that moment that Woojin had realized how much of his milky skin was exposed to everyone's eyes.

It was hard to be indifferent when alcohol had that ability to toss any social filter out the window.

“You look very expressive when you're drunk” He hadn't drunk. Woojin knew that Christopher didn't drink or preferred not to, no matter what the issue really was. Furthermore, his habit was perfumed by something that was probably illegal, contrary to his attempts at dissociation entirely permitted by the state.

"The more you remind me of this, the more I will try not to be like that, so enjoy it"

"Should I ask embarrassing questions then?"

"Oh God, no"

Chan laughed, pulling himself closer to Woojin's body than he realized. They were practically whispering in each other's faces, the lack of tact for the moment being something apparently present in both for different reasons. Woojin was no longer remembering the fact that he was at a party. Of course, there was still the smell of ordinary cigarettes and drugs of various kinds, the alcohol is slightly sweet when mixed with a drink with high sugar content. He was in a carcinogenic environment in many ways and had been taught that it was right to stay away from that kind of thing. Too bad his priorities were reversed and he allowed himself to be carried away by a smiling Christopher, wanting to show him 'something fun'.

\- ✰ -

Chan closed the bathroom door, the sound of music on the floor below ridiculously drowned out by the thicker walls of the room. Woojin, on the other hand, was focused on maintaining balance, failing to resist when he dragged his back across the wall to the floor, next to the bathtub, balancing cigarette and lighter in each hand. One because he didn't trust himself carrying anything dangerous and without locks - which wasn't the case with that old lighter that he picked up forgotten in the kitchen, if it was still the same he had taken - and because apparently Christopher thought the same or something remotely similar. That was why he brought the drinks, two bottles of any junk with a high alcohol content.

Even though Chan hated drinking, he had guaranteed the experience would be worth it, implicitly inciting Woojin to think he had something to do with his company or just wanted it to be anything that involved him, as if being within the other's preferences was worth gold. A little more sober, he would blame it on the fact that he tended to feel a little less valued in social situations. Woojin was the company that was there without be and drinking as if the world was going to end the next day didn't tend to make him much more talkative than he normally was - that is, some level close to a neutral presence in conversation circles.

He rested his cigarette on his lips, raising his eyes only when he saw Chan's distorted shadow cross his path so that he dropped his body with the same laziness beside him. He removed the lighter from his hand and placed the fire on the tip of the folded smoking paper, the smoke with a characteristic fragrance replacing the walls with the smell of mothballs; it wasn't so strange for a house that looked old. Then Woojin just let him take the cigarette away, opening the two bottles with the opposite hand at once.

"So" He started, lazily resting the cigarette between his full pink lips, which Woojin couldn't quite take his eyes off. "One pull, one sip each and then you let go"

"I don't even want to imagine where you learned that kind of thing"

"Experience" Chan smiled, moving his hand slightly as if it were a subject for another moment.

Of course, as the mastermind of the idea, Woojin let him go ahead, resting his elbow on the rim of the pink crockery, placing one hand below his face trying to keep his concentration on what Chan was doing outside of what he sought to observe. Standing still, it was easier to digest some things, in a concrete and abstract way. Woojin wasn't in his best moment to think about feelings, that was perhaps the last case, but it was clear how much his most primitive desires were uninhibited in his head, dancing freely as he tried to get around every little detail of Christopher with the intention of perhaps recording him in the memory, above what his alcoholic amnesia could allow.

At the same time, it wasn't exactly the case. Or he tried to convince himself that he was much more physical and sensory than emotional. He was so strongly attached to the idea that he shouldn't be attached to anyone, however unique he was - everyone was. But Chan had something that Woojin was unable to touch with his bare hands. And he just liked to look and stay looking. The way he wrinkled the space between his eyebrows and wrinkled his nose at the alcoholic drink, but that didn't mean he avoided the challenge that it would have to be to drink it when he wasn't as much of a habit as Woojin learned to cultivate. But the cigarette puff came and went easy, the most pleasurable part seems to be when the body relaxed and leaned against the tile, seeming little concerned about the shoulders exposed to the natural cold of the bathroom.

Woojin was slow to receive his cue in which the cigarette was extended towards him, repeating every gesture without necessarily abandoning his previous fixation, at least until the moment when the taste of cigarette smoke and alcohol seemed a little too much. Too bitter, shaking the sweetness of his mind clouded by drug use, some illicit and others never exactly discussed to be really banned.

And Chan just laughed. He should be making a funny expression, to say the least.

"It improves after a few seconds" He definitely felt like a clown at that moment. "Or if you prefer -" Chan lifted his hips, pulling a crumpled packet of mint gum out of the back pocket of his ridiculously tight jeans. He handed it to Woojin, who didn't hesitate to pick one up, no matter how much he kept the cigarette in the opposite hand and as for him, specifically, there was no objection.

"It looks like I put my mouth on the exhaust of an old Opala" He pointed discontentedly, placing the candy on the tip of his tongue towards the inside of his cheeks.

"It's temporary, you're really impatient"

Yes, he was a little. He was always in a rush to try to get all the information humanly possible for a social, academic person and whatever the other subtopics of the complexity of his existence were. Woojin's brain hardly stopped machining his way of running, not exactly physically, but he tended to want to skip steps for efficient results in less and less time. Inevitable nonsense even for those who knew that things didn't work out that way.

"Do you think you're patient?" He asked, half-automatic, dragging his body until his back was in the bathtub this time, getting a better look at Christopher as he took the liberty of supporting the heel of his boots on the other's thigh.

“Who has nowhere to go has no reason to run”

"Oh, please, no philosophy now, I thought you spent your time studying the periodic table" Woojin threw his head back and Chan laughed in response, moving his feet back to the floor. He didn't position himself in denial about the lack of support, but only because he didn't have much time until he realized that he wanted to be even closer, allowing the invasion of his space without going back even a millimeter.

“Watch out for stereotypes -“

"Whatever you want, bad boy" He debated, turning his head a little to the side. "Argh, it's the third time I've been drunk around you"

"Actually it must be the fourth or fifth, but I will let you think that it's the third"

“Too late” Woojin dragged his body upward in what little by little the jeans were sliding the not-too-sticky floor.

"You are an open book when you drink"

"Am I?"

"Well, at least you've been looking at me for an hour like you're going to eat me"

"Maybe I really want to"

It wasn't as malice as it would appear in another context. Still, Woojin raised an eyebrow a few millimeters, watching carefully as Chan ran his tongue over his lips and smiled in response. His hand sought support on the thigh of the other beside him, while Christopher's arm crossed his entire body to the other end of his hip, establishing good proximity and security. Perhaps it was the latter that kept Woojin so caught up in thinking all the time how good it was just to be with him, regardless of noise. But he didn't want to and wouldn't confirm or reject any hypothesis at that moment, it was the least important.

Chan brought his face close to him, but rested his forehead on one of his temples, tickling his cheek with the warm breath, just as his discolored curls gently scratched Woojin's exposed forehead. He could hear his heart beating in his ears, which was even stranger when it was accompanied by a small feedback sound that canceled out the music and noises of the party around. And with that, a few more minutes went by in the same way, without any of them seem to have the courage to leave that position half-released and even a little uncomfortable on the floor.

But of course, no peace lasted that long - or at least not in the same way for what might or might not be something like ten minutes. Christopher, as the person best able to move at normal speed, took the cigarette from Woojin's hand and threw one leg over the bathtub, dribbling his body until it fit very well there. Woojin didn't do much to accompany him, throwing his head back and shrinking his eyes at the lamp that would soon stop.

Woojin knew that closing them was also not a good option since anyone was more susceptible to sleep by drinking as much as he had been drinking. But Chan, being so "experienced" but at the same time naive about alcohol, didn't help much by running his fingers through his hair, crossing one arm over the edge just to face the frowning eyebrows of anyone trying to stay awake. Although it wasn't an unsafe situation, at least, not entirely.

"It's more comfortable inside"

"No fucking way I'm going to get up from here"

Chan laughed quietly, knowing he wouldn't have to insist too much for Woojin to move, mentally separating a wave of excuses for what he was doing. One was the automaticity of responding to a not-so-conscious call from Christopher and the other because the floor was cold, leaving his legs numb and his spine ready for a shot of chronic pain the next day. With some even deliberate slowness, Woojin left each knee beside Chan's body, sitting a little on his thighs and giving space for mobility in which the other sat, placing his hands on his hips with deformed designs a little under his shirt now that he had access to his hot skin from alcohol.

Damn sensitivity, making each hair stand on end with an icy palm just a few fingers above the waistband of his pants.

"I thought you were going to eat me"

"You shouldn't have let me drink before then" Woojin justified, feeling his voice come out heavy on the tip of his tongue. He ran a hand through his brown hair, letting himself be touched much more than making a point of giving back.

“Too bad, I had high expectations”

It was clearly a joke, but that didn't prevent Woojin from feeling in a prestigious position for hearing the false tone of disappointment leaving the mouth so beautiful that he had been a crucial reason for going out that night. It was just hard to admit that he had one foot on unknown ground, which was different with Chan compared to all the other unofficial cases he had in his college years - he wasn't so sociable in his teens.

He brought both hands too big to Chan's cheeks, his expression confused in response and being what he needed to lean over and stick his lips to him, the impaired reflexes being relatively positive when none of that required haste. He wouldn't be able to follow if that were the case. In that way, he was able to feel Christopher hug his waist, stick the chest to his. He allowed himself to concentrate, however little, on the taste of his mouth - the bitterness far from being a problem - or on how unconscious it was the desire to be closer and closer.

Honestly, it had been an unnecessarily wet, sloppy kiss, with lazy touches and yet too intense for so little functionality. The closed eyes weighed even more, little by little his hands loosened on Chan's shoulder or hair, allowing himself to be fully supported by him. He should have made a noise or two in the process, but it was hard to remember anything when eventually it was just darkness and unconsciousness.

\- ✰ -

He loved Ed Sheeran. His voice was incredible and his charisma was admirable, just something that Woojin hardly used to apply in his daily life. He tried to be polite and kind, even though it still sounded too automatic and harsh, camouflaging the fact that he didn't usually have a good morning mood for several reasons - aside from the fact that it lasted too long, something close to a complete cycle of twenty-four hours, with very few breaks. And of course, it wouldn't be much better to wake up in a totally unfavorable situation.

At first, he was definitely hating, a little too intense in years, the voice of his favorite artist in his favorite music. Not that anyone was going to play the judge, but Woojin could defend himself or an angry version of his ego for just that day removing the phone of the mute. And in addition, not very aware of where he was when he raised his arm as he used to do every day behind the alarm on the nightstand to turn it off, he ended up switching on the shower by accident, causing his body to move in the fully awake gesture with little balance when he sat down again, now removing his hair completely wet from before his eyes.

"Hell" Woojin cursed after rubbing his face, his voice extremely hoarse before he realized the shower had stopped. He opened one eye, seeing Chan's body a little soaked because of his "art". He suppressed a smile, with definitely a lot more control over what he wanted to express or not now that he could consider himself properly sober. Or enough.

"Good morning to you" Chan pulled the collar of the shirt away from the body, unglued the well-defined abdomen to the wet fabric, almost redesigned under vacuum. Woojin relaxed his shoulders, which he barely noticed tense, his spine also tending to not be so upright before bringing one leg up, automatically eliciting a groan of discomfort from his company. "If you keep moving too much, you will wake up something else too"

“Not today”, he assured himself when he got up in a “safer way" for Christopher, throwing his feet out while he heard his boots creak in an unpleasant sound for those who couldn't afford anything too loud. "At least not now"

"It's rude to save food for later"

Woojin gave a low laugh, not in a good mood, but at the same time he understood the other's words too well. His head ached and he could see the dark clouds leaving space for the day's light in the little that the wooden window was open to the emptier side of that street, among some assorted trees of the most distant houses - all destined for university students since little people really wanted to actually live near them. He went to the jacket hanging by the sink, reaching for his cellphone even though it had stopped ringing. As expected, and because he really didn’t have many options for who would look for him at that time, Lia’s name flashed on the screen a few seconds later, being prepared not to have to hear the first few seconds when he answered without taking the phone to his ear.

" _ Kim Woojin, why the hell do you have a phone if you don't answer - _ " Woojin finally put the phone between his face and shoulder, walking towards the scratched mirror to straighten his hair; obviously forgetting that he would get the screen wet and that could eventually cause a functional problem, but it wasn’t like he was throwing it in a bucket of water. " _ You could at least warn me that you would be spending the night out - _ "

“I thought you had already discovered this on your own” Taking into account Lia's last words before he left the house “I must be there in a few minutes, I didn't die, Jisu”

" _ Not yet _ "

Woojin watched from the corner of his eye as Chan sat in the bathtub, fumbling in his pants pockets for something, disregarding Lia's threats and therefore not having so much remorse at his sister's first pause to end the call. Of course, soon she would graze him with messages, with a good chance that one of them asking him to bring coffee or something. Honestly, Woojin would end up not stopping anywhere on the way, needing to accept whatever was frozen in the refrigerator in order to not upset his hangover stomach.

"Do you want a ride?" When Woojin put on his jacket, again ignoring the wet body from the hips upwards, he noticed that Christopher was already on his feet, not too concerned that his arms and part of his waist were so exposed to the weather, not very favorable now that there was no more warmth of human contact at a party.

"I hope your car has air conditioning"

"First, isn't mine, second, you worry too much"

Chan unlocked the door, taking the initiative to leave the room first and walk the perfect path for a half-dead Woojin to follow, going through the stack of cups, cigarettes and trash until it all started to become bodies of people unable to move to home before they get some kind of blackout. Or an alcoholic coma, if the owner of the house was unlucky enough. And in the living room, when Woojin realized that he wouldn't find Minho and didn't really care for him, he ended up fishing the instant Christopher pulled the wallet out of the jacket of one of the boys next to the soundboard, taking for himself some dollar bills accompanied by a laminated card.

"Don't look at me like that, he owes me" Chan returned the documents to its place, saving the money and showing his old driver's license to Woojin, with a visibly older photo of him. "And I asked him to keep it for me"

"How efficiently"

Woojin took the license to himself, turning it between his fingers to see what he could before the other decided to take it back. It was faded and dated five years ago, which wasn't that long considering that Chan was something close to twenty-six, by his accounts - he could have resorted to a good memory since it was something written on the Grindr profile when they met, but Woojin didn't really count on it at the moment. He could also see his parents' name and the one he used on western soil, even though Woojin wasn't in the habit of calling him Christopher when they were alone.

"You don't even look like a pickpocket," He commented, specifically focused on Chan's photo in his twenty-one, with gray hair and much healthier than the pile of blond curls on his head at the moment.

"Don't be an idiot" Chan took the letter back, placing it in his excessively full pants pocket. "I already did worse than that"

Woojin rolled his eyes, perhaps for lack of a better comment that wouldn't let him know what Chan might have considered worse. Not least because he didn't think he needed to carry that kind of extra burden without any purpose, since he wouldn't pay even if the other had committed any crime - and Woojin preferred to trust that the situation didn't really fit into anything illegal. They left the house avoiding, this time, empty barrels, cans and bottles discarded consciously and whatever else was in the details of a scene like that. The car with which Christopher had come, recalling being someone else's as if it were an extremely crucial detail to free him from perhaps some more responsibility, was a black HB20, with a scratch on the door that looked quite recent. And uneducated.

In response, unconcerned as he seemed to be with almost everything, Chan just sighed as unlocking the door and opening it with an almost sarcastic gesture of chivalry for Woojin to enter.

"You can have it here" He picked up the packet of cigarettes thrown on the panel, holding it out to the other. "Jackson won't miss at all."

Woojin turned the pack over in his hands, forgetting to put his belts on until the moment Christopher started, a little too abruptly for the pack to almost fly out the half-open window. He sighed, silently, pulling his belt in front of his chest so that it wouldn't happen again while he took out just one of the cigarettes and dropped the rest back where Chan had taken them from.

He pats his pockets for a few seconds, definitely more than necessary.

"Damn" He complained again, even a little childish if he stopped to think straight "I left my lighter behind" Woojin snorted, throwing his head back on the seat. They were stopped at one of the red lights, thus giving the driver the freedom to reach for the compartment, opening it without really seeing what he was doing.

"There must be some there" Chan accelerated again shortly afterward, driving with just one hand. “You can take everything you want”

"I'm starting to wonder if you didn't steal anything from my wallet"

Woojin removed what looked like a pile of candy papers and late tickets, finding a scratched black lighter at the bottom of the compartment. On the one side, the name of the owner - Jackson - was painted in a worn way while on the other, some sentence in white referring to anything minimally poetic. Although Woojin had to admit, it was strange how it still seemed to have come at a specific moment, which wouldn't necessarily have extra meaning in another.

“I'm your cigarette, you know how toxic I am, but you don't care, 'cause you love the feeling in your lips” He recited, a little more to himself “I didn't know it was possible to put so much in a small space"

“With a little effort, anything is able to fit anywhere”

"What an idiotic logic" Woojin cupped his hand next to his face, lighting his cigarette at once to return the lighter to the compartment. White filter wasn't his favorite but he had been longer than self-recommended with no smoke in his lungs.

"Did I even ask where you live?"

Woojin looked at Chan as if the boy had created an extra head, frowning the space between his eyebrows. He didn't want to admit that he didn't remember, so he propped his hand under his face and his elbow on the window now completely open, leaving the cigarette in the opposite hand much more so that it wouldn't be extinguished than for fear of setting his own hair on fire, by the state he was still in.

"I thought you knew"

"I don't trust myself with addresses," Chan concluded without taking his eyes off the road, his only decent attitude as a driver so far.

“Third on the right, number 408, a red building” Obviously he had to check it out, putting a part of his head out just to make sure where exactly they were. Nothing was very far around at all. "Wait, I need to buy what Lia asked me, stop here" He gestured briefly, being rebelliously obeyed when Chan 'parked' burning tires on the asphalt. "God, how you haven't died yet"

At least, his wallet remained in the same place. As he crossed the street, Woojin already left his belongings in hand, supporting the cigarette in his mouth to extinguish it at the last second in front of the bakery door. He was partially dry, now that he could see part of his reflection in the glass and no longer felt as if his limbs could gangrene by the sudden drop in temperature, throughout all the enclosed environments in which he had been. He went to the counter, asking for the “usual” - a box of donuts and croissants to his little sister, who refused to eat anything else due to sheer lack of custom in Woojin to let herself do the shopping with what she could handle of the month. Besides, he asked for the strongest caffeine he could think of for himself before he realized Christopher's request for something sweet. Woojin was definitely not in the mood for sugar until the next few hours, which would probably lead him to skip breakfast in the morning.

"How are you not freezing?" He asked, spreading his warmest hand on Chan's exposed and extremely cold arm.

"I am" Woojin rolled his eyes, stepping back "It's warmer inside here than the car's air conditioning"

"What are you going to do next?"

Christopher stared at the other for a few moments, in silence. Woojin didn't quite know what to expect; in fact, he could say that he no longer expected anything. Going back to the conversation with Jisu it was quite obvious that Chan wasn't trying to convince him to stay if he was thinking about that day of the week that he had asked him to. If he remembered it. Woojin really thought he had good ideas for taking care of himself, since that sloppy attitude couldn't be added to alcohol and apparently not even caffeine.

"Unless someone calls me reminding me of something, nothing." Chan rested his elbow on the balcony and his hand below his chin, a complex smile dancing on his face, showing the dimples that Woojin was beginning to doubt were 100% natural. But even if not, they were quite a sight. "Why?"

"Maybe I want something else at breakfast this morning"

\- ✰ -

"Lia?"

Woojin closed the door, gesturing with a simple movement for Christopher to leave his shoes near the entrance, although he didn't really care if he chose to ignore the rule. It wasn't necessarily mandatory, but Chan seemed to understand the asian custom even though it was created in a relatively different context - not so much, traditions were difficult to put aside in any generation.

"Hm, you moved the couch" Woojin had no idea at first, watching Chan run his hand over the top of the furniture before escorting him towards the kitchen. He knew his sister was at home, but not exactly where, which led him to believe she was in the shower. And it automatically freed him from having to expel either one, if she herself should be getting ready to leave.

"Yeah, the sun was damaging the cushions...," he explained, leaving the bags on the table while he balanced the cup filled in half-warm coffee. He ended up removing the lid, throwing the rest into the sink when he decided he wouldn't take it anymore.

"Oh, was it really the sun?"

Woojin turned his body, finding Chan standing on the doorstep, arms crossed and a childlike smile on his so beautiful face. It was ridiculous how he was able to say exactly what he thought, given the fifth-grade dialogues that were normally much expected and similar because Woojin ended up reproducing them unconsciously in the same proportion. Christopher had an easy way of dealing, even though it didn't classify him as predictable. Perhaps the complete opposite.

"You are a child" He rolled his eyes.

"If you understand, I'm not the only one" Woojin followed as Chan crossed the room, resting his hands on the counter and cornering him against the sink. “But if you want, the conversation can become adult very quickly. We can start talking about politics. ”

“U-hum, no. What do you know about politics? ”

"A lot of things. You want to hear me talk for eight hours about how the govern- ”

"Chan, no" He tried to sound serious, but ended up giving a small smile, realizing that even if he gave that gap it wasn't something that would actually happen. "I already understand what you're saying"

"No, you still don't get it”

Christopher threaded the index finger into the waistband of his pants, pulling their hips closer, which was the least possible effort if it took into account how close they were already. Woojin could feel his breath shading the corner of his mouth, the breath of someone who had digested an entire cup of a sweet drink derived from milk and strawberry syrup. No caffeine and all that too healthy stuff for those who shared his most destructive addiction to always keeping a cigarette in their hands.

"I'm definitely not even close to where I want to be"

Woojin closed his eyes when he felt him fish his lower lip between his teeth very well aligned, completely inducing his body to just let himself be used - which wouldn't be the first time - in which the mouth was taken with a little more thirsty and the kiss became almost vicious. By reflex he put one hand in the other's hair, tangled at that point, firming the grip so that he could feel it when in the middle of the kiss Chan gasped not out of discomfort, but by a strangely good feeling.

There wasn't much defense to justify why Woojin forgot so easily where they were when that kind of thing happened, which led him to ignorance about the mere possibility of being caught, at that moment by his younger sister which made everything a little worse. But he was kinda hungry for Christopher's hands around his body or just propelled by anything that would take his focus off the hangover that was still there, but he chose to ignore it all that time. Especially when he felt Chan's palm under his shirt, his fingers entering until the joint at the same time inside his pants -

"Ew, get a room"

Immediately Woojin slapped his companion's hand, not necessarily pushing him away until he did it on his own, with a smile on his face that showed no shame at all for the situation. Lia already had her back to the couple, or partially, with her hand in front of her eyes and a mixed expression in what Woojin could see from where she was. He moved from the balcony, lowering the youngest girl's wrist until she paid attention to him.

“No drama”  _ It could be worse _ “Lia, Christopher. Christopher, Lia ”

Limiting the presentations, Woojin got out of the way when Jisu leaned over to get a better look at the boy leaning on the same spot, who returned with a brief nod, in an almost boyish air and unrepentant as his brother's other “people” used to treat this type of case. It seemed different this time, but she couldn't say whether it was good for Woojin, in which her own first impression of Chan was already damaged.

"Hey there" She greeted, not quite hiding her confusion about what to think. With her body still slightly crooked, Lia looked up at her brother who shrugged. "Okay, I'm going out to find Chaeryeong, I'll ask her to send a message to Chaeyeon that you're moving on" Jisu whispered the last one to Woojin, ignoring the older's mocking rolling eyes just for convenience. "I'm going to take a croissant, but nothing to touch the rest of them"

“Tastes like paper”

“Great!” Lia crossed the kitchen, removing one of the croissants from the excessively noisy plastic packaging and then keeping all the others in the microwave. "Whatever you get dirty, you clean" She pats Woojin's chest before leaving, devouring her breakfast on the way from the kitchen to the front door "In fact, I'm going with your car!" She shouted without time for it to hit, as if she already had that part of the plan well built.

“It was easy” Woojin concluded with himself, deciding to keep the donuts and separately the bags that were hardly used - but they also didn't discard them right away.

"Hm, don't you have a western name?"

Woojin stopped, staring at Chan with one eyebrow raised, wondering if he was there during the whole conversation with Jisu or just paid attention to what he wanted. Apparently the second option, which was not really a problem. At least they wouldn't go into the merit of "you two look alike, but at the same time not".

"I have, I just don't use it"

“What a waste of material” Christopher crossed his arms, shaking his head. "You look like Jacob"

"I will kick you out if you come with your twilight bullshit-"

"Respect my past, please" Woojin clicked his tongue at the top of his mouth and Chan showed a childlike, almost innocent smile. "Go, tell me"

"Why would I do that?"

“Why wouldn't you? It's not like I'm going to stop calling you Woojin, Wooj, Woo, Woobear ” He gestured briefly, ignoring the stare he received from Woojin for the number of nicknames he didn't remember hearing until that moment.

"I don't know which one is worse"

"None, they are abbreviations because it is more practical like that -"

"Woobear is bigger than my name, actually -"

“Hey, hey, that’s not important” Chan left where he was, circling the table so that he was facing Woojin again, even without touching him or invading as much of his space as he had done before Lia appeared “I’ll tell you a secret if you tell me ”

"Do you really want to know?"

"I'm a curious person, I can't help it."

"Noah." Woojin replied, finishing what he was doing to give full attention to his pertinent company. "Happy now?"

"A lot, I could give you a blowjob to express my happiness, right here, in the kitchen, but it's unhygienic and etc"

“You smell like cheap cigarettes and alcohol, we passed this phase” He wasn't so different and maybe that was the biggest reason for Lia to have kept a considerable distance when she saw him after filling his phone with unanswered calls. "You won't even come close to my bed like that"

"I am versatile, I can stand for as long as necessary"

"Idiot"

"Won't you want to know the secret I have to tell you?" Chan tilted his head to the side, looking anxious for Woojin's response, which on purpose wouldn't be given at first. In fact, he got closer to the boy, wrapping his arm around his waist in a comfortably warm position, feeling the small distance between the bodies not so close together.

"Hm, I don't think so." He pursed his lips. "My western name wasn't exactly a secret, it's in a large part of my documents"

"Damn, I should have taken your wallet"

"You'll have more opportunities" Woojin hoped Christopher was acting in a good mood, but for some reason, he trusted that nothing wrong would happen while he was staying in his apartment. Even because they hadn't known each other for a few days, but for months. "You can take a shower, I'll separate some clothes for you."

\- ✰ -

He put his first foot out of the bathroom, putting his heels together when he pulled the towel out of his eyes, hanging it over his shoulders. Woojin wasn't used to sharing any space for a long time with anyone other than his sister, regardless of whether Chan wasn’t so weird that they spent a few hours lying next to each other or offered a place to stay because one in the morning wasn’t the best time to walk at random streets.

But Woojin definitely didn’t expect Christopher to be so tired or to adapt to his bed so well that he would sleep while he waited for him to leave the bathroom, dressed in fresh clothes that were longer on his body, since Woojin was taller, but tight in his muscles because Chan has the habit of moving that Woojin avoided feeding. And even though the shorts weren't exactly loose on the other's thick thighs, or possibly because of that too, he was able to see how comfortable he was without his underwear.

He clicked his tongue, dropping the towel over the computer chair before sitting on the edge of the bed. With his heel supporting his bent and raised leg while leaning on the side of the furniture, Woojin placed his elbow on his knee and his hand below his face, taking his time to digest some things. To begin with, they had been together for hours, without really doing anything but exchanging some awkward and inconvenient kisses. Despite Chan's youthful sense of humor and his convenient jokes that were clearly sexual in nature, or his own threat to "devour" him as his first meal of the day, Woojin didn't feel wrong for not having had an easy fuck like before. Maybe because he also didn't really try to get into the other's pants.

He tried to understand without having to ask. A week was a long time and it all seemed more like an accidental occurrence than actually premeditated. He was absolutely sure that Chan had no idea how they would get there if they were to predict each step they took - even if it wasn't difficult for Woojin to take him home with one thing in mind. But he didn't necessarily feel like his libido was doing somersaults. He wasn't a person willing to have sex all the time, although he wasn't in the habit of refusing. It was an ingrained custom. He was strangely comfortable with a semi-strange man wearing his clothes, leaving the smell for possibly longer on his sheets.

Woojin extended his hand, supporting it with deliberate weight on Christopher's thigh, watching him partially lift his head from the pillow and open his eyes with discomfort. With a grunt Chan moved, turning his belly down and stretching his arm out, seeking comfort from the darkness on Woojin's pillow.

"You should have told me you were tired"

"I'm not" Woojin was no fool, but he let Chan continue, taking the liberty of moving his palm to the other's calf in unconscious affection. "The hangover got the best of me"

"You can stay as long as you want, Lia said she only comes back at night"

Woojin stood up, crossing the bed to lie on the other side, his whole body turned towards Chan and partly wondering how he hadn't yet smothered himself by his nose completely covered by the pillow. He wasn't necessarily worried. He knew how hurtful it must have been for the other to bear his weight when he had collapsed at the party the night before, so he didn't mind letting him take his time there. Expelling people went far beyond his conduct as a future doctor and Chan was too tired to get up and walk like a normal person even though he decided he should go.

"Why does your bed look more comfortable than mine?" Christopher slowly turned over, resting his back on the mattress with a sigh.

"You slept in a bathtub, at least for now anything will be more comfortable."

Chan had different features in those circumstances. He was more in keeping with his age, perhaps with the intelligence he presented in moments that were a little rare for those who had limited contact, but being where he was meant that Christopher wasn't just another stupid athlete to be in college because his muscles had the ability to be bigger than the brain itself. Well, Woojin didn't know if he actually played any sport - lifting weight was something many of his friends did and it didn't mean much for that - he just deduced it from the other's ability to be restless and ridiculously active.

He even thought that maybe he would like it more if Chan wasn't what he showed. At the same time that he didn't feel able to like anyone at all for any reason. At that moment, Woojin was just comfortable having a moment when not everything sounded like a teen joke.

"You should eat something" Woojin ran a hand through the hair in front of Chan's eyes when in minutes of silence the other had lowered his eyelids.

"I'm fine" He expected a different answer, he admitted. "I only need half an hour"

"How long do you think I was gone?"

Chan frowned at the space between his eyebrows, opening his eyes again to face Woojin with a clear question on his forehead. It wasn't so much, there was no need for such fanfare. Still, Woojin had taken considerable time in the shower, considering some final notes on that trail for total and complete insanity because he only had a week to organize his feelings without feeling that he would leave anything behind. Which at the same time directly matched his conception that he wasn't attached to anything to have to worry about it.

"Forty minutes."

"Did you take all this time in the shower? Where were you last night? ” Chan brought his hands to his face, rubbing his cheeks as if trying to stay awake.

"Good part of it in the kitchen, as I remember"

“Whatever you had to wash, inside you are already very clean from how much you drank”

Woojin laughed softly, turning his body towards the nightstand, from which he took out of the drawer - after mess up the space between a roll almost at the end of paper towels, condoms and lubricant - the pack of cigarettes he avoided taking out because he knew he would forget to replace if it were the case. As soon as he put the cigarette in his mouth, however, when ready to get up behind a lighter or a match, Chan pulled it out, leaving the drug on the other side of the bed on the similar nightstand.

"Do it later," He explained before Woojin questioned him, then bringing his hands up to the face of the future doctor to seal his lips in a lazy kiss.

To say that he had little idea of what Chan was getting at was to be a little stupid. Woojin didn't think that the other owed him sex or anything like that because he was just there, even though the relationship boiled down to that; looking from a more rigid point of view, of course. Even so, with the same slowness, Woojin parked his hand on his waist, raising his shirt a little, seeking skin-to-skin contact. Chan's warm hands ran through the still damp strands of his hair in a loose grip, the touch too soft to think it belonged to the same person.

"You know we can leave it for later, don't you?" He questioned when Christopher leave his lips, keeping his voice lower even though there was no need for it.

"Unless you don't want to" Chan concluded a little more seriously, leaning on one of his forearms to better face Woojin from above. "I'm literally waiting to see you all week"

"I didn't go anywhere"

"I said I would look for you on Friday, didn't I?" He took the conversation as an incentive to continue, not rushing, but spreading kisses across Woojin's jaw in an almost sly, delicate way. "I kept my word." He placed a brief peck on the other's parted lips, looking him in the eye again. "If you have to leave, let me take my time with you"

Woojin wasn't very fond of the feeling that those words brought, making every hair on his body stand on end, without tension in his body with the mere idea of being so “valued” in that way. Although Chan didn't specify what the time he was willing to spend with him really meant.

Christopher distanced himself a little, taking up the space between Woojin's legs as he rested his rough hands on the mattress. Woojin never thought that he would feel nervous about looking at him better from a not-so-unusual angle, no matter how much the tendency was always to shed his devotion to the body that Chan didn't look at so carefully, although he tended to be much more attentive with himself than Woojin in his position as a future healthcare professional. Christopher needed so little to make him a complete mess, with the air already making his lungs denser, his heart seeming to beat in his own ears.

"You look kinda nervous" Chan concluded easily, placing one hand on Woojin's raised knee, running his right hand over his thigh until his fingers went over the hem of his shorts.

“It's in your head” Woojin could feel the fingerprints walking dangerously in his groin, the fabric crushing the muscle in his leg in an unhealthy but not uncomfortable way.

"Are you in a hurry?"

"I'm already in home" He raised his eyebrows "Take your time"

It was a bad idea. Woojin liked to be quick, it was okay if a fuck ended up splitting in at least 3 short ones in an interval of two or three hours. But Chan seemed to be really counting every second as the most precious, as if every reaction was worth gold. He didn't think much of it. Looking at the whole context, it sounded even smaller. Woojin was sure that he wasn't some kind of God in bed, he had no reactions worthy of pornographic actors or any similar crap. In fact, he tended to be silent about his reactions, focused on what he did because he was usually the giver, not the receiver.

But Christopher had a right. About exactly what it was difficult to say, but it wasn't difficult to give his body to him study it with the palm of his hands, feeling his skin with his nails, each muscle with his mouth. Woojin felt Chan's weight on his, not touching him more than the hand on one of his legs until he searched his face again, dragging his ridiculously soft lips along the length of his jaw and neck. The wind blew cold on the light trail of saliva left behind, the kisses always sweet, alternating their reactions between relaxation and tension almost constantly.

If the lack of underwear made the mark of the penis on the shorts so evident, still in its common flaccidity, Woojin didn't make much of a point of visually knowing how it was now that he felt Chan's erection pressed against the opposite thigh. It was squeezing, forcing him to take a deep breath. He automatically spread his hand on the other's shoulder, tightening his skin despite being aware of the mark his fingers would leave if he kept pressing for more than a few seconds. Chan was too pale to hold as an unmarked canvas for a long time.

"I hope you don't like these shorts that much" Woojin moved his eyes to Chan's, just a little further down where he briefly nibbled on his lower lip.

"Weren't you happy that you ruined my turtleneck last time?" He heard him laugh low, hoarse, close to his ear.

"Honestly? Not"

Woojin felt his mouth dry and unconsciously moved his tongue around the corners, blinking slowly. He needed a cigarette, but it was not an emergency. Not for the next half hour, it depended on how much Chan intended to leave him with the blue balls, at the very least. Nothing had really happened to his body to start reacting as if it were burning, from the bottom up, while fighting with the ridiculous cold in his stomach that appeared whenever the other's breath slid so close to his neck.

He raised his hand to Chan's arm, the opposite to his waist, keeping him close while he worked on his neck, having the impression that the mark left could possibly be a discomfort, but it didn't stop him under any circumstances. Woojin would have his time until it didn't become a problem, or at least he would know how to pretend that nothing had happened when the time came. For the time being, he had some difficulty in deciding what to think, understandably clinging to the notions more present than what he could become. It was even kind of silly to consider it at that moment - although he was quite aware that he would have a lot to think about when he didn't have Christopher's hands over his entire body or an erection uncomfortably pressed between his legs.

Woojin started to feel uncomfortable when everything stopped being vague. When the moment he sealed his lips to Chan's again the only understandable thought and not clouded by all the pre-sex tension was that he would miss it. He was thinking about steps forward, he was starting to feel that something was wrong because nothing else felt right, it didn't felt the same. And Woojin never considered the fact that it was because he was in an unusual, physical position. It was okay to allow someone else to take control of the situation, being submissive sometimes gave him a little more advantage than if he had to consider the control he needed to have at all times, everywhere. However Woojin had to consider; he didn't want to make Christopher leave because of the demons he was creating alone.

He shifted their position, hugging the other's waist fully as he unscrewed his legs, now keeping his body on top extremely pressed to Chan's so that the knee between his thighs pulled a more discreet moan from the boy, almost blown out in the corner of his mouth. His heart was still beating extremely fast. Regardless of how much his fingers applied pressure to the skin he touched, he never felt that he could have enough of it so he wouldn't regret it. And Woojin didn't want, at first, that he had reached that point.

"Your flexibility is very selective," Chan commented with heavy breathing, palms now spread out over Woojin's shoulders.

"If you don't want to forget about me, then I'll make it memorable"

"I never said that" Woojin felt his body tense, which he hoped would go unnoticed. “Be honest with me, Woojin” Chan straightened up in what was given to him, resting his torso on his forearms and one hand between the hairs on the other's neck. "How much do you want me to be forgettable to you?"

"Totally"

He answered just for the sake of saying it. Woojin knew and didn't stop himself from saying anyway, perhaps because he recognized that it would be much better if it was nothing more than that. And even if he had a hint of what that answer meant to Chan, what he expressed in the few seconds he frowned, it still wasn't enough for him to think about going back, so that he didn't contain the urge to say what really was going on in his head. Not least because he wasn't very aware of how clear his feelings were, just that they had no relevance in that context. If Woojin said what he wanted without a filter, he would leave forgetting something he would never come back for. That was what he didn't want, from the beginning.

"Okay" Chan replied after some time in silence, his hand now away from Woojin's body as if touching him was wrong. Or maybe it just seemed like a perception of him, from whom he had clearly put an end by impulse. Woojin sat down, bending one leg and resting one hand on the mattress, next to the partially immobile body of the other. "It will definitely be memorable for some time"

Woojin ran a hand through his brown hair, not knowing how he had let himself get there. In a general context, Lia was right. In another, he had an uncomfortable erection and a sentimental mess that wouldn't get him very far, anyway. It was likely that the consequences would come later, even if that was a death certificate for the one who had lived only in specific circumstances.

"I know you're tired" He got up, passing without difficulty over the other's body "You can sleep if you want, I need to smoke" He picked up the abandoned cigarette on the nightstand, crossing the bed out of the room. He knew he had done that to himself.

\- ✰ -

"Alone?"

Woojin looked up from the cup of coffee, probably between warm and cold, finding the curious expression of someone who clearly expected company, after all he wasn't alone when Lia left the house that morning. Honestly, Woojin also started the day expecting a different scenario, but it was beyond his control. As much as he recognized that it was all his fault. He moved the cigarette from one hand to the other, completely ignoring the drink that didn't warm or comfort at all, something that not even the cigarette was capable of, but somehow filled a feeling of emptiness better than any other drug that tried at the point of his life.

"For some time now," he admitted, staring at the clock in the corner of the wall, deducing that there was already much more than just an hour or two. He was lost in his own home during that time, unable to pretend that nothing had happened simply because, in addition to being recent, it was an image that said a lot about what he really was. Less than he thought anyone deserved.

"You don't look happy"

"I'm not" Jisu approached, occupying the other side of the table, not disturbed by the cigarette smoke that took up a lot of space inside. Especially when she realized that the window remained closed.

"What happened?"

"Nothing" In fact, Woojin hadn't allowed anything to happen. He tried to convince himself that it was no loss, it would happen anyway, sooner than enough to allow him to influence any topic of his decisions. "You were right"

Lia raised her eyebrows, a little lost as she watched her older brother closely. The way his shoulders hunched down, the way he held his face in one hand and in the other, he had no problem dropping cigarette ashes into cold coffee. She just hoped he wouldn't take it, but he still seemed aware of his actions enough to know what he was doing. Physically.

"About what, specifically?"

"You said I would break his heart"

"Woojin ..." He definitely didn't want the pity implied in Lia's tone of voice, but he didn't correct her about it. It was a bit miserable situation from the outside, but it reinforced that it wasn't exactly what bothered him. Woojin wasn't used to be so direct, inconsequential and insensitive. There was no really sincere conversation as at all times, when for lesser reasons than that he had to cut off contact with people previous to Chan in his life, especially in his bed. "Apparently it wasn't just his heart that you broke"

"I don't know what you're talking about"

“You may not see, ignore all the objects that reflect in the entire apartment, Woojin, but it looks like you got punched in the stomach and it hurt. A lot." Lia stood up in a fluid motion, following to open the window in an attempt to dispel the suffocating sensation caused by the other's probably second or third cigarette.

"It was necessary -"

“I doubt it very much” Jisu took advantage of the cue to help herself with the instant coffee made by his brother, still hot in the coffee maker despite being in a deplorable state on the table in which every second the ashes covered practically all the wasted drink in the cup. "He already knew you were leaving"

"I want this to end as soon as possible" Woojin swallowed again, slowly letting out the smoke and this time taking care not to swallow Lia with his addictions. “There is no effort in the world to compensate for the past six years”

"And how will it be?"

“I will follow with the plans. I return to Bucheon, finish my residency and spend my entire life trying to improve that of others. ” He sighed, drowning all the rest of the cigarette in the cup. "It's what our parents want."

\- ✰ -

Woojin slammed the door, crossing the car to hand over the key to his sister, who had already taken the trouble take out his bags. Few, for those who had spent seven years there, far more than he was willing to spend from his youth. It was a pity that he would have to wait a few hours for his next cigarette, though. He was already beginning to miss having something to occupy his hands and with each automatic movement for the various activities before entering the area for boarding, Woojin felt more and more anxious about that problem.

At some point, Lia had already said goodbye. She would stay with his car because Woojin knew she didn't have the same plans as him and, contrary to expectations, he was already leaving too much behind. Physical and uncomfortably emotional. His flight would still take some time to leave. Sitting in one of the chairs, Woojin turned his phone by his fingers, as he used to do with his cigarettes, thinking about how everything would be from then on and what could be changed if he rethought the time he had left.

But he wouldn't, clearly. He had poorly resolved details with himself that ranged from giving up his own will to not knowing what he could do if he allowed himself enough of that freedom that Westerners had in excess. He never has allowed himself to have desires for so long and those crazy things of the last months or even days were, from the beginning, predestined to not exist. To prove to Woojin that he was unable to make his own decisions - although it was expected to happen from then on.

That was why he had never really distanced himself from his surest reality. He hadn't adhered to his Western name or extended his friendships to a group of non-Asian people. Woojin felt safe with those who understood the feeling of missing home. That was why he kept eating remotely similar meals to the ones in Korea or continued to have every intimate conversation with Jisu in their native language. Woojin was afraid that leaving home would make him something different than he was, but he also knew that there was no chance of returning the same. And the whole experience of someone adept at novelties, but not at how they were impregnated in absolutely everything and swallowed what believed to be the real self, was what was taking him back with it to an environment not very favorable for things were of a standard.

And he didn't want to admit to himself, to Lia, or to the point of the question that Chan was the intermediary between the old and the new. He had been in the purest way everything Woojin wanted, but he was afraid to pursue. Not silly dreams that he knew he didn't have. He never had the luxury of questioning what his parents had convinced him that he would be better. He didn't pursue hobbies, he knew nothing more that wasn't limited to his reality, his present. Doing what should be done, surrendering to something greater than too many fleeting feelings.

He pick up his phone, going directly to the only app he hadn't deleted. Luckily for him, he never really gave his number to Christopher, and there were remote chances, lest he concludes that they would be null, that they would meet again. Nothing was lasting that didn't need to be fed and Woojin would soon see that flash in the pan go out by itself. He stared at Chan's profile picture for the last time, smiling softly at the small dog on the lap of the boy with wavy brown hair - a very old photo, by the way - before putting an official end where he deleted his profile and deleted the Grindr without thinking too much about it.

On the plane, he was sure he could live by himself. He just had no idea how long.

\- ✰ -


End file.
